flu

I had a flu last Friday,

Dint get better until Tuesday,

which i took leave on friday and monday and i have to be sick

even small flu now scares people and myself,

will always thinking if i had the Covid19

even pretty sure its just a small flu or viral fever,

the pressure of getting Covid19 is not from scare of dying but it actually troubles everyone you come contacts with.

another 14 days of isolation, cant work, cant go out, and tons of sanitation.

well i took leave to rushed all the assignments and have definitely not ready for coming exam

which drop at 8th of august.

I dont even sure why am i doing my degree, in part time.

its like trying to hang myself when i am already dropping a toaster in my bath

well. its a 3 years + period if manage to get all subject passed.

else it will delay again.

with lately increased workload, which next year might actually adding more responsibilities 

and projects.

hmm.. well. until then, i decide what come first.

??

Recently bought a queen size bed and switch out my single bed.

The main reason was because i wanted the under bed storage.

as follow

i know its looks weird because a tilam within a bed,

that wasnt my old bed, that was for any guest that might come over

poor's man bed

well

although it does give me better sleep

but, not sure why it make feels actually lonelier. 

since i dint want my sleep posture becoming like a Picasso painting

i only sleep on right side of the bed.

keeping it straight and neat.

then probably the empty spaces there making me felt that

and lately

after work i dont feel likes going home,

although i will still go home on time sharp, because of the traffic.

and some day is because my muay thai classes, 

not sure why but that thought just pop out at the back of my mind

i got no reason not to go back, but i just doesnt feel like it.

and that thoughts lingers. not like some impulse thoughts that gone away real quick

also i go no where to go.

come to think of it, like a really careful thought.

Im like Jon Snow knowing nothing

i dont really knows what i want, what i really like, what i love

who I love, who i hate, who i want in life, who are deem important in my life.

Lately im just so passive about everything, and being mono-polar 

Im like the jerk who keep on wanted to surf on a massive wave that i been warned not to

and get dragged by the current then still doing nothing try to save myself.

书

每次练完拳回来

不是整身痛，就是累到只想趴着

问题是刚吃饱，唯有挨着累等到食物从胃中稍微被搅化

在还没变成便便时才去睡觉

现在的我正是这样

刚刚有一刹那，吃完饭后的碗碟就想一丢洗碗盘，完全不想理会

大腿的肌肉很煎熬，站着比吃奶还累

等等 27 了还记得吃奶时的累？别想歪

最后还是乖乖的洗好，跟自己的大腿道个歉

刚还有被教练痛揍一番，就没力了只能护头然后被揍

叫我还手，打得没力又被揍，太慢又被揍，跑太远又被揍

说实话刚才是超好笑

好了，离题好远好远了

今天书说两本来自同一个作者

也是我最爱

作者是 蔡智恒 - 笔名是痞子蔡

先说《檞寄生》-但是真正的mistletoe 翻译是槲(hu)寄生

这里是作者因为字典搞错，他也出版时也跟着一样

https://jht.pixnet.net/

可以上到他自己blog 他有解释

而且他的书他也有上传在他自己的部落格

好了内容我不说了，你们自己能看

《檞寄生》这本，可以说是他的巅峰做，就连作者自己也经常说着

怎样能越过这本书给他自己的最高界限

但是我都觉得每一本都有不一样的味道，每位读者都喜欢不一样故事

就像《阿尼玛》这本，我个人特别喜欢

我还记得我刚买《檞寄生》时，我看了好几页我也丢一旁了

那时候的我觉得怎么故事乱七八糟

过了好几个月，终于有心情去看时

欸？怎么感觉不一样

我就一天一次过看完，故事的情节特别悲美，没到最后你也不懂主角选谁

《阿尼玛》呢，我特别喜欢它的结局

因为几乎每一本他写的小说，结局都很扎心

但是也真实

《阿尼玛》算的是其中一本少点扎心的

最近才知道，他还出了两本新书

最后一本我读的是 《不换》，而且还是在作者的部落格读的

我真的太久没买书了

他的作品我都有买，但是最新我有的就只到《阿尼玛》

不对

才想起

《阿尼玛》我送人了，送了给一位去台湾发展的朋友

看来她不回来了

所以我现在只存到《蝙蝠》？

haih

唯有等有机会时才买吧

好了食物在胃里消化的应该差不多了

Book?

Few of my friends just came over,

Just finished our chat and its late, I'm an early person, sleeping late is pretty much a torture to me

Couldn't really sleep most of the time

It has always been a problem for me, I have very bad sleep quality.

Couldn't  rest enough

I'm not even sure why am i here typing this

By the time finished this i probably only have like 3 hours of time frame for my sleep

Pretty much forcing my brain cells to suicide

Wait, this is going to be book right? since you have said that from last post

well... like hell i will.

Nah, just randomly talk about what the chat i had.

Trust.

To trust one, and to give one trust, is this hard?

For me, unfortunately i pretty dumb, i can only give 0 or 100 on this

there is not in between i only goes for extreme, 

if i were to trust you i would have give every ounce of it in me to you.

But well unfortunately some people are just might be ungrateful 

and ruined that

No matter that be your friends, your partners, your family or your significant other

Lucky for me for me at least, i still dint have trust issue even if i had been taken advantages of.

What are we if we just living on a masked face and fake trust or even living on act.

Is that living ? Is that even ourselves? nah

Well. im probably too tired thats why i type these. which is kinda emo kia.

ok. i have to dive into my blankets

Read

I can't say I read a lot, but i do read time to time

These are the books i have for now. Not much.

I gave and lend some of them out, some are not even sure where are them now.

I never have the heart to finish reading Anne Frank,

Wasn't because im lazy but its just too heartbreaking.

We are lucky now there is no great war are fought, living in those times a surely worst than hell.

Well, not that i have been to hell but, figure of speech.

As for the thickest in those, "Gone Girl" i never finished that because i bought a wrong version

The text is too small, too tiring when reading it, so i just screw it and go watch the movie instead.

The very first English Novel i read was The Fault in Our stars by John Green

Was introduce by a close lady friend of mine

that was like 7 years or more? ago? 

Slightly cloudy in my memories.

But that time i did read it online, then eventually bought the books, after that the movie came out

And watch it with her.

I'm pretty sure that point in my life i actually likes her.

But then she is flying to UK for her studies and so i gave her the book. and i wrote this in the book

Not sure what i was thinking back then but hey, was young, dumb and broke

The feeling is definitely gone now, like, long time ago.

even when she came back like few years ago we still never meet face to face

Well to me she is definitely one of the important friend in my life, nothing more

I don't think she read my blog? Kinda awkward if she did

but er.. but hey if you do, lets meet up and reminisce the old days

Its just bitter to have few of your close or old friends that just like lost into void

well... time to sleep. next time lets actually talk about reading. this time the point just flew over my head.